27.04.2024
The Thomas Pink guide to second weddings
Getting re-married may come with challenges and obstacles, but who can resist a second chance at love? Here we share our two cents on things to consider, etiquette and what to wear the second time around.
In the memorably titled Sex and the City episode “The Post-It Always Sticks Twice” (S6, episode 7) – AKA the one where Carrie Bradshaw infamously gets dumped via Post-it – a subplot is about newly engaged Charlotte York feeling that she can’t be excited about her upcoming nuptials because it’s her second marriage. At the start of the episode, she is on top of the world but, later, increasingly deflated. She feels the need to conceal her joy, aware that her guests and girlfriends may not be overly enthusiastic, given that they’ve already been there, done that and bought the proverbial T-shirt.
OK, maybe there aren’t a huge proportion of SATC-Thomas Pink crossover fans out there, but even if these references are currently flying over your head, it’s not hard to imagine that second (or even third, fourth etc) weddings are a very different kettle of fish. Often there are feelings of shame, anxiety and even embarrassment about taking another trip down the aisle; primarily for fear of being judged. The breakdown of a marriage is always tumultuous even in the best-case scenarios, but finding love again is a reason to celebrate, not shrink away. And, according to research by the Office for National Statistics, 34 per cent of marriages end in divorce by the 20th wedding anniversary, but these same people are much less likely to get divorced if they marry again. So the stats are on your side – and so is Thomas Pink. Here are some tips and things you need to consider:
Go big or go home
Who says you can’t pull out all the stops for a second wedding? Maybe your first foray into marriage was a little hasty and low budget – and you were both far too young – so you’re keen to make more of a song and dance this time. It’s hard to imagine Hollywood A-listers George Clooney, Tom Hanks and Ryan Reynolds married to anyone other than their current spouses (Amal Clooney, Rita Wilson and Blake Lively respectively) but all three had short-lived first marriages (Reynolds to movie star Scarlett Johansson in the mid-2000s. Yes, we had forgotten too). Proof that your first marriage doesn’t need to overshadow your second. So, ignore the naysayers and give yourself and your spouse the wedding you want and deserve. Fancy invitations, full black-tie, champagne tower – the works. It may be wedding number two, but you only live once.
Dress code:
Embrace the return of formal dressing with a black-tie dress code. Thomas Pink has everything you need, from the crisp white dress shirt to cummerbunds and cufflinks.
No fuss, please
On the other end of the scale is the couple that want minimum fuss on their big day. Perhaps their first wedding was the blow-out type – all the bells and whistles, no expenses spared – and they’re loath to repeat the same experience (and spend the same kind of money). Even if that’s not the case, it’s still understandable why you may want to keep things low-key the second time around. With the average cost of a wedding being £20,700 ($35,000 in the US), perhaps you’d prefer to save the dosh for something else, such as a holiday, home renovations or to treat the kids. You may be feeling the weight of any perceived judgements and find it difficult to shake the sense of déjà vu, so one way to alleviate this is to keep it small and simple by inviting only close friends and family and making it a simple, registry office ceremony. Great Aunt Gladys may be put out that she didn’t get an invitation, but your happiness and wellbeing are far more important.
Dress code:
The beauty of going informal is that anything goes, dress wise. But we would still suggest eschewing jeans and a T-shirt and instead perhaps going for a preppy shirt and fitted trousers, or even a roll neck jumper and blazer for a smart alternative.
A family affair
If you’re getting married for a second time, chances are you’re a little older than the average first-time groom (his average age has risen sharply over the past decade and is now 35.4 years old). This means that you and your spouse may have children on both sides that you’ll want to include in the ceremony. It is estimated that one in three families in the UK are blended families, so while it may be your big day, it makes sense that the children will be your primary focus. How you go about this will depend on their ages. Little ones love nothing more than running amok in a big field or church hall (bouncy castle optional). If they’re older, then you may want to go for a more sophisticated hotel or town hall service followed by pub lunch. Relax the formalities and embrace the chaos of a family do – whatever shape or size that comes in.
Dress code:
Keep the mood light and fun with a statement shirt and perhaps some countryside vibes if you’re going for an outdoor ceremony.
